Bye Bye Summer. How to Get Back to School
This time of year can bring a lot of jitters for kiddos heading back to school. And sometimes, these jitters may come out in ways that are not so fun for parents. Over my 29 years of experience working with children and adolescents (and raising four adult boys), there are tools and strategies that I have found to be helpful in navigating this transition smoothly. Read on for ways to help your child approach back-to-school with a more positive mindset that will help them experience success.
Create Security
When we have anxiety about something coming up, knowing what to expect and having conversations about what to anticipate can calm fears and bring security. I always encourage parents to give their kids plenty of time to adjust to the idea of a new school year, anticipating when it will start, what the first day of school will look like, and what daily routines they can expect.
Understanding when school starts and what the weeks will be like leading up to the start date is an important starting point. I encourage you to have a calendar and write important dates on it, especially the first day of school. It can be fun for children to get involved by decorating the calendar and helping put important items on the days.
Talking about what the first day will look like NOW will help reduce some anxiety they could be having. The more they know, the better they will feel as they wake up that morning. They might need a special friend (stuffed animal, little fidget, sticker, etc.) in their backpack. It is not a bad idea to have a trial run the day before. You can even make the trial run day a “fun” day after they get up and out the door on time.
Establishing or re-establishing routines and schedules is important since summer often leads to not having a very set schedule. Here are some suggested guidelines for getting used to a school schedule:
Some examples of areas that could bring opportunities for choices and compromises could include:
Understanding when school starts and what the weeks will be like leading up to the start date is an important starting point. I encourage you to have a calendar and write important dates on it, especially the first day of school. It can be fun for children to get involved by decorating the calendar and helping put important items on the days.
Talking about what the first day will look like NOW will help reduce some anxiety they could be having. The more they know, the better they will feel as they wake up that morning. They might need a special friend (stuffed animal, little fidget, sticker, etc.) in their backpack. It is not a bad idea to have a trial run the day before. You can even make the trial run day a “fun” day after they get up and out the door on time.
Establishing or re-establishing routines and schedules is important since summer often leads to not having a very set schedule. Here are some suggested guidelines for getting used to a school schedule:
- I recommend 4 - 5 days of more routine-like days before school starts.
- Set a bedtime and a wake-up time at least a few days before the first day.
- Engage kids for ideas when setting a routine so that they have ownership.
- If possible, give choices when establishing routines.
Some examples of areas that could bring opportunities for choices and compromises could include:
- Brush teeth / hair before shoes on or after
- Homework after snack or before snack
- Shower before getting backpack ready or after
Prepare for Success
Success builds confidence, so the more our children experience success, the less anxious and more confident they will be. Sometimes our kids need our help establishing boundaries around things like schedules, sleep, and getting organized to ensure the best chances for success.
It’s important to manage time and distractions by figuring out what the morning and afternoon responsibilities will be and establishing boundaries for television / technology. The more our kids understand the expectations for morning and after school, the easier it will be to manage challenging behaviors. Some examples of boundaries I encourage around television and technology include:
Sometimes, in order to take care of our kids and help them be successful, boundaries need to be placed around other things as well. Kids can be really busy nowadays after school. Try to keep in mind the importance of sleep for them. Sleep is ESSENTIAL for them (especially teens). Children 6-13 years old need 9-11 hours of sleep, while teens do best with 8-10 hours of sleep. Homework can spill into sleep time as our kiddos get older. Having open conversations about the importance of sleep and limiting technology/screen time is important for their success, and more importantly, their mental well-being and overall health.
Getting organized is essential for success, and may be a challenge, especially for our older kiddos transitioning to middle/high school. Most schools create the opportunity for students to transition from one class to another for every subject, which can be overwhelming. People recommend different thoughts on how to stay and get organized. The most important thing is what works for you and your kiddo. Here are a few approaches to discuss with your child.
(The most important organization strategy is to have a place to put homework and to ensure homework assignments are being checked after school).
It’s important to manage time and distractions by figuring out what the morning and afternoon responsibilities will be and establishing boundaries for television / technology. The more our kids understand the expectations for morning and after school, the easier it will be to manage challenging behaviors. Some examples of boundaries I encourage around television and technology include:
- No television or computer / phone before school
- Earning technology time after school if morning responsibilities were met
- Earning technology the next day if bedtime routine was met
Sometimes, in order to take care of our kids and help them be successful, boundaries need to be placed around other things as well. Kids can be really busy nowadays after school. Try to keep in mind the importance of sleep for them. Sleep is ESSENTIAL for them (especially teens). Children 6-13 years old need 9-11 hours of sleep, while teens do best with 8-10 hours of sleep. Homework can spill into sleep time as our kiddos get older. Having open conversations about the importance of sleep and limiting technology/screen time is important for their success, and more importantly, their mental well-being and overall health.
Getting organized is essential for success, and may be a challenge, especially for our older kiddos transitioning to middle/high school. Most schools create the opportunity for students to transition from one class to another for every subject, which can be overwhelming. People recommend different thoughts on how to stay and get organized. The most important thing is what works for you and your kiddo. Here are a few approaches to discuss with your child.
- 2 back-pack method : one for “A” day and the 2nd one for “B” day.
- Different folders for each day (can be different colors too).
- Folder for each class or one big one for the entire day.
(The most important organization strategy is to have a place to put homework and to ensure homework assignments are being checked after school).
Nurture Connection
The most important thing is to nurture a strong connection with your child. This is an ongoing process that requires open communication. It may seem daunting to have open communication, especially with teenagers, but here are some suggestions:
(Sidenote: Along with open communication with your child, your child’s teacher also appreciates hearing from you, too. Most teachers enjoy an email introducing yourself and letting them know you are available if any issues arise. This can also pave the way for healthy parent / teacher boundaries later.)
Back-to-school jitters will settle down, most often, within a few weeks. Sometimes, your child may experience more stress and bigger emotions than expected, but regardless, there will be emotions! If you notice your child isolating or being more angry or irritable than normal, check in with them. They may need some extra time or attention from you to cope with their emotions. Spending time doing one of the following activities may be just the thing they need to open up about what’s going on inside.
Sometimes, your child may prefer to use these coping tools on their own, or even to talk to someone else, but the important thing is to let them know you see the changes in their behavior brought on by their emotions, and that you care about them. Communicating that you love them, that you know this can be a difficult time, and that you are there for them paves the way for more conversation. You can’t always expect an answer right away, but you have opened the space for them to feel safe. Most often, they will come talk (or vent) about how they feel.
At times, children and teens may not feel comfortable talking to mom and / or dad. If that time comes, know that I would be honored to come alongside your child during these more difficult times. If you or your child would like to meet with me or another counselor at Abundant Life Counseling Services, please contact our office. We don’t want you to be alone during these stressful times and we would be honored to walk this journey with your child and family.
This time of year can cause more stress, bigger emotions, and more chaos. It’s natural. However, as you help your child know what to expect, establish routines and get organized, and stay connected through open communication, they will see their successes and it will calm down. Listening to and supporting them along the way from a calm place will strengthen your relationship and help them transition easier, and if you need more help, we are here for you!
YOU GOT THIS!!!
- Have check-ins, often throughout the year, especially with your teens.
- Offer a safe place to talk (The car is a great place for this!)
- Validate what they say! This doesn’t mean you must agree, but that you HEAR what they are saying.
- PRAISE PRAISE PRAISE your kiddos, even for the little things they do.
(Sidenote: Along with open communication with your child, your child’s teacher also appreciates hearing from you, too. Most teachers enjoy an email introducing yourself and letting them know you are available if any issues arise. This can also pave the way for healthy parent / teacher boundaries later.)
Back-to-school jitters will settle down, most often, within a few weeks. Sometimes, your child may experience more stress and bigger emotions than expected, but regardless, there will be emotions! If you notice your child isolating or being more angry or irritable than normal, check in with them. They may need some extra time or attention from you to cope with their emotions. Spending time doing one of the following activities may be just the thing they need to open up about what’s going on inside.
- Go for a walk
- Listen to music
- Play a game
- Cook dinner together
- Watch a movie together (no phones)
- Look at their homework with them
Sometimes, your child may prefer to use these coping tools on their own, or even to talk to someone else, but the important thing is to let them know you see the changes in their behavior brought on by their emotions, and that you care about them. Communicating that you love them, that you know this can be a difficult time, and that you are there for them paves the way for more conversation. You can’t always expect an answer right away, but you have opened the space for them to feel safe. Most often, they will come talk (or vent) about how they feel.
At times, children and teens may not feel comfortable talking to mom and / or dad. If that time comes, know that I would be honored to come alongside your child during these more difficult times. If you or your child would like to meet with me or another counselor at Abundant Life Counseling Services, please contact our office. We don’t want you to be alone during these stressful times and we would be honored to walk this journey with your child and family.
This time of year can cause more stress, bigger emotions, and more chaos. It’s natural. However, as you help your child know what to expect, establish routines and get organized, and stay connected through open communication, they will see their successes and it will calm down. Listening to and supporting them along the way from a calm place will strengthen your relationship and help them transition easier, and if you need more help, we are here for you!
YOU GOT THIS!!!
Rachelle has been with ALCS since 2017 and counsels clients from our North Austin location. She works with children and adolescents and their families to help them understand behaviors, improve communication, and establish boundaries within relationships. For more information about Rachelle's practice, click here. To set up an appointment with Rachelle or another therapist in our office, call us today!
Posted in Blogs by Rachelle