Healing Insecure Attachment: Why There Is Hope
When painful experiences from the past shape how you connect in the present, it can feel discouraging—like you’ll never escape old patterns. Many people wonder if having an insecure attachment means they’re stuck with disconnection forever. In this post, Jacey Breedlove, M.Ed., LPC-Associate (supervised by Kerry Williamson, MA, LPC-S, LMFT-S, CST), explains how trauma and attachment are connected, why those old stories don’t have to define you, and how therapy can help you build relationships that feel safe, secure, and deeply fulfilling.
Do you ever wonder why relationships feel so hard? If so, you are not alone. Many people come to therapy worried that because of their past, they are destined to repeat the same painful patterns. Maybe you’ve read about attachment theory and thought, “Well, I didn’t have the best start in life, so I guess I'm stuck with insecure attachment forever.”
The good news? That isn’t the whole story. With the right support, healing insecure attachment is possible.
The good news? That isn’t the whole story. With the right support, healing insecure attachment is possible.
Attachment Is Shaped by More Than Parents
A lot of writing about attachment focuses only on parents or caregivers. That makes sense; our parents often have the greatest influence early in our lives. If we grew up feeling like love was conditional, or that we had to earn affection, those lessons sink in deeply.
And while those early bonds matter, they aren't the only influence. In my experience as a therapist, I see how attachment patterns can also be shaped by many other relationships and experiences.
Think about:
All of these moments can leave lasting imprints on how you see yourself and what you expect from others. Maybe your parents were loving and supportive, yet you still struggle with insecurity in friendships, romantic relationships, or other close connections. That is completely normal, and it’s not where you have to stay.
And while those early bonds matter, they aren't the only influence. In my experience as a therapist, I see how attachment patterns can also be shaped by many other relationships and experiences.
Think about:
- Your first romantic relationship and heartbreak
- Early friendships where you learned you had to people-please to be accepted
- A sibling who bullied you or made you feel small
- Traumatic experiences—whether “big T” trauma like abuse or assault, or “little t” trauma like neglect or chronic criticism
All of these moments can leave lasting imprints on how you see yourself and what you expect from others. Maybe your parents were loving and supportive, yet you still struggle with insecurity in friendships, romantic relationships, or other close connections. That is completely normal, and it’s not where you have to stay.
The Stories We Learn to Carry
When we’ve been hurt, it’s common to carry stories like:
These beliefs may have protected you at one point, but they can also keep you feeling stuck or disconnected. The important thing to know is that these stories are not permanent. They can be reshaped.
- “I have to keep people happy to be loved.”
- “If I open up, I’ll just get hurt.”
- “No one will really be there for me.”
These beliefs may have protected you at one point, but they can also keep you feeling stuck or disconnected. The important thing to know is that these stories are not permanent. They can be reshaped.
Why There Is Hope
One of the most encouraging things about the brain is this: it can change! Thanks to neuroplasticity, your brain can form new patterns and pathways, no matter your history.
That means when you experience safe, supportive relationships—whether in therapy, friendships, or with a partner—you can begin to trust again. You can learn that your needs are not “too much.” You can discover that love and safety can exist side by side.
In attachment-based therapy, we can:
That means when you experience safe, supportive relationships—whether in therapy, friendships, or with a partner—you can begin to trust again. You can learn that your needs are not “too much.” You can discover that love and safety can exist side by side.
In attachment-based therapy, we can:
- Understand how old experiences shaped your view of relationships
- Notice the stories you’ve been carrying about yourself and others
- Begin creating new relational experiences that feel safe, secure, and authentic
Moving Forward Together
Healing attachment wounds doesn’t mean erasing your past. It means rewriting the story your nervous system tells you about connection. With support, you can build relationships where you feel valued, safe, and truly seen.
In therapy, we can gently explore your past stories together and create space for new, healthier ways of relating, so you don’t have to carry those old patterns alone.
If you’re ready to explore your attachment story and move toward the kind of connection you long for, I would be honored to walk with you. I offer attachment-based therapy at our North Austin location, where together we can create space for healing, safety, and deeper connection.
In therapy, we can gently explore your past stories together and create space for new, healthier ways of relating, so you don’t have to carry those old patterns alone.
If you’re ready to explore your attachment story and move toward the kind of connection you long for, I would be honored to walk with you. I offer attachment-based therapy at our North Austin location, where together we can create space for healing, safety, and deeper connection.
Jacey works with individuals and couples navigating relational and intimacy challenges, anxiety and depression, trauma, grief, and life transitions. She draws from Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) to help couples strengthen connection, and uses insight-oriented work and practical strategies in her work with individuals to support growth and healing. If you would like to meet with Jacey or another ALCS counselor, please contact our office.
Posted in Blogs by Jacey